Mi Raison d' etre.....

i've started reading the first chapter of the Purpose Driven Life book....and it seems heavy for me to continue to the next chapter..why? because Chapter one tackles 'Why am I here in this world? What is God's plan for me?" and "It's not all about me."
in the 20 years or so that i've been thinking logically (hehe), I feel that everything has to happen because I want it to happen, that I can do whatever I want to do. But now, I realize, even if you want something so much, you can never have it because God did not plan it for you. It's not a missing piece in your puzzle.... of life.
I've tried to take extra notice of the things around me and these made me see, everything will go on the way it SHOULD be....even if i want it otherwise, even if i don't do anything or even if i'm gone.
What does God has in store for me? Have you ever wondered what His plans are for you? I haven't truly focused on what purpose I have in life. What I know is, this stage is a humbling stage in my life, a period where I put down the ambitions I've been wanting to reach eversince, and try to find "a nice pair of shoes" to fit in--one that will not make me fall, or make me feel hurt.

Hari ng Sablay. Sablay na sablay.

I've been hearing this song lately and I can't help but symphatize with the guy. Sobrang sablay is a point wherein you feel, you can't "dance" with the rhythm of life, always missing that GOOD timing. I've always felt that and I wonder, 'how fucked up can this life get?!' I've always been a point shorter from my goal...maybe i miss the X factor in life. No matter how many cups of coffee I drink, how many paper i tear and shoot into the waste basket, there's no denying, I'm sablay. I used to deny it...tell myself, no, I'm good, better than him or her, just be patient...there's a reason...blah blah blah blah. I just got tired of it. Can't really get it off my mind though....
I'm exhausted being the dog who runs after the boomerang thrown by my master. He can throw it whenever he wants, or never throw it at all.
Maybe it's time I let go of that ambition. of aiming for going up the corporate ladder. of being what I knew I can do best....

10 lbs down.....and still losing!!!

I don't know if i'm really psychosomatic or what but I'm beginning to feel better about myself. Now that I've been on a diet, I've lost 10 lbs in 2 wks and I'm able to wear some of my clothes with confidence. You know, without worrying if my bulges are too revealing or if the collar seem to give me the look that I don't have a neck!

5 years ago, I considered myself "thin". I was 100 lbs, I don't eat lunch, merienda--simply to save up my allowance. I never did notice my weight. I took it for granted and now, look, I am dreaming, wishing, hoping to be 100 lbs again!

I know you must think I'm so vain but you know what, I've been very sensitive about this. I look at the mirror every morning and tell myself I look good. But sometimes, people can't help but notice, especially old friends from way back. Then there comes the change of wardrobe bec I can't fit into my pants, blouses anymore.

Lastly what made me work on this diet seriously was the rashes I got from having bigger hips, legs. Since some of my pants are fitting, they just cause rashes and I need to get rid of them before the rashes become marks!!! OH MY GOD!!!!

Now, I'm onto my third wk, I have to be disciplined. I will eat only what is necessary. Forget about the buffet lines! Forget about ice cream! Forget about chocolates!..... Wish it was easy heheh. but I CAN DO IT!

Gosh, im so vain. hehehehe.