Bite Me!!!!

Can i just rant!?! anyway, I figured if i rant too much, it would be too obvious who's the object of my anger and why i'm angry. so never mind.

I just thought if minds were simple and hearts were kind, then there will be no issue who gets what and what is being given to whom. :(

Makes me wonder, do I really need to go through this much? Am I ready for a bigger challenge? And I thought I was strong....

Last night, while drinking coffee, I thought, what is a better option-- to escape? or to endure? My mind says, escape sounds better but my heart says otherwise. I am always afraid of what will happen, I am always afraid what will happen behind my back, I am always afraid of something.

Does fear get me to where I want to be? How do you get rid of it? By closing your eyes? by ignoring it? i don't think so...i've always felt it's lurking around every corner of the space I live in.

Honesty---still the best policy.Face it!

I thought I was ambitious but I'm not. It just made me feel better that I don't have to pretend to anybody what I'm not.

Just yesterday, I learned from someone that a colleague has been pretending to hold a title/position that he didn't have. Even boasting of it to some people. I didn't mean to feel good that he really wasn't promoted but I cannot help but shake my head at the act. I am still at a position/level that I had 5 years ago, but I don't deny it. I made some misses, met obstacles on the road to promotion, but hey, that's life. I don't have to stress myself. The 5 years for me was a big learning curve. Something that I still want to build on, improve on....

Why am I writing about it now? Because I was able to appreciate what I have now. That I am true to myself and am able to face REALITY. C'mon, man, just face it..... to all the people who will come across this blog, think of it this way : people will like you more because you're honest. not because you're a great pretender.

Selective Amnesia or Simply Denying It?!?

Today, I wished I had selective amnesia. But really, is it possible? Or would it just mean simply denying what you don't want to remember?

There are a lot of times I end up in a corner, just thinking or wishing I didn't know this or that--specifically work. I know someone who simply acted dumb in front of everybody. Like she didn't know a thing about what they do at work. But when it comes to "impressing" the boss, she has a lot to say about what she knows and what she has done. Almost all jaws dropped to the floor and eyebrows raised to the ceiling. Could you possibly do that? Act dumb? Never mind.

Anyway, back to denial. What are the implications if I just deny it? Could I be fired? Would that be a start of career suicide? hehehe...I'm now in a state of chanting a mantra--" I don't know anything about XXXXX. I don't know anything about XXXXX...." Will I wake up tomorrow really forgetting about it? or maybe forgetting everything. even my identity?

A mix of raindrops and tears.....

My clothes were drenched and the maong pants felt heavier on my legs....but I continued walking. I didn't know where to but I kept my pace. Raindrops fell on me, my face dripping wet and worst, the mixture of raindrops and tears left a salty taste on my lips.

I looked up to the sky and wondered when the rain would stop. My eyes blinked for a few times, trying to see if there's any sign of sunshine. Negative. I stopped for a while to see how soaked and muddy my chucks were. I imagine your face in case you see me now...you'll say, "Dirty Baby!!" I begin to smile faintly....trying to recall how we walked in the rain, covered by your small jacket..no matter how wet I was from the rain, it felt warm to be beside you.

I tried to walk a few steps...then looked back from where I began. I figured crying and walking in the rain at the same time gave me an excuse not to look too sad. Nobody will know I was crying. Nobody will know I was lonely, that I was waiting for you....