Crippled inside

See, smell, touch, hear, taste, I can do perfectly..
A job in place with enough to cope with daily needs
Enjoy materialistic wants I am able to...
But a crippled heart amidst these privileges resides within me.

I am quite unsure how to define it
But helplessness is the feeling I get
whenever I start curing the handicap.
This disabled being seemed to lie in a coma.

I have never felt so unhappy, so uncontented..
I try to look back and track to where it started
But the water washed the footprints I've made along the way
Making it harder to start the search I have so much wanted to work on.

Is this incurable?Will this disability cripple me further?
I long to feel healing within my soul
I want an end to my searchless mission
As I've grown weary of awaiting what'll happen next

The future and its gifts seem futile and unpromising
I have never felt so empty and anxious at the same time
Questions surround my complicated nature
Questions kill me slowly inside.

How do I begin when I don't know what's missing?
I have become the cripple that hid itself from truth.
I have no longing to what else might come my way
As I slowly die of self denial that nudges its ugly horns at me.